All sorts of family – Kandy Shepherd

Like many romance writers, family is important in my stories. Family—or lack of family—features strongly in the backgrounds of my characters and shapes the people they become, and the way they react to others—particularly the hero or heroine.

I come from a small and somewhat dysfunctional family. Consequently, non-family people are very important in my life. Close, long-standing friends over many years—some dating right back to early childhood—are as much family to me as blood-tie family. That also includes much loved in-laws and step-family.

One of the most wonderful people in my life is my god-daughter—truly family of my heart. Her mother, too. Not only did her mother generously share her with me for the years before my own daughter was born, my god-daughter became a much-loved stand-in older sister to my daughter. That they actually have the same colouring and similar looks, they were often mistaken for “real” sisters. They continue to have an enduring friendship.

With my sweet grand-god-daughter !

Now there’s another member of that “family”—my darling, grand-god-daughter—daughter of my god-daughter.. She’s ten months old and utterly enchanting with the most charming and outgoing personality. (No, I'm not biased!) Recently, I went to her christening in Melbourne and spent a happy weekend with little Elise, her beautiful mother and wonderful father and a group of people who love this adorable baby. Some of the fun was looking back at the photos from my god-daughter’s christening way back when I was the god-mother. Not family of the blood, but “family” all the same.

Training the next generation of readers! This is a book about inspirational women.

 My recent book Second Chance with the Single Dad features a beautiful baby girl named Nina. Her character is inspired by both little Elise and memories of my own daughter. Different kinds of family! (And different definitions of family are explored in the book.)

What about you? Do you have friends and important people in your life who aren’t related but feel like family? I’d love to read your comments!

Now off to cook a meal for a young visitor who is the son of my daughter’s god-mother but seems like a cousin to her…

The empty nest

I  found myself moping around the place the other day wondering why I felt just a little down. Then my husband and I realised why we were both feeling a little bit that way—we’d been struck by the “empty nest syndrome”. 

Towards the end of last year our daughter, our only child, finally left home. She’d studied for years so had been living with us until age twenty-five (in Sydney, it’s the exception rather than the rule for uni students to live away from home). She’d been away on academic placements for weeks on end, but always came home. Even after she moved out (to a very happy living arrangement) for a while she worked nearby for a few days a week and sometimes it didn’t feel like she’d gone at all. 

But now, though we talk and text often nearly every day, she’s not often here, and when she is she’s a visitor. Her bedroom is now a fully functioning guest room but of course it’s still referred to as her room. The cats go in there, sit in the middle of the room and cry sometimes because they miss her. I’m still buying too much food at the supermarket.

According to Pyschology Today, empty nest syndrome is not a clinical diagnosis, but "refers to feelings of depression, sadness, and, or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes." So it really is a thing!

We are delighted our daughter is enjoying an independent, happy life. That’s the outcome we want for her. We love being a guest in her new home. But having her gone is a kind of grief, not just for the loss of her company but also the end of an era where our lives revolved around family. We were older parents so daughter leaving home also coincides with facing retirement and down-sizing and other big life changes. (Not that I have any intention of retiring from writing romance!) You prepare for other stages of life, but we certainly hadn’t consciously prepared for the empty nest.

Last night I cooked one of my daughter’s favourite meals for dinner—a yummy cheese and caramelised onion quiche—and remarked to my husband how odd it was that for the first time we would get to eat the entire quiche ourselves, with leftovers for lunch the next day. 

Then there was a knock on the door and there she was, wanting a fix of home. I don’t know what empty nest syndrome is called for the one who left and sometimes misses home but I guess she’d felt it. There was much hugging. The cats came running up the hallway at the sound of her voice. And quiche was served. When her partner came to pick her up, he was also served quiche. There was no quiche left for lunch today but I didn’t mind at all.

Our little family on a visit to London last year

Have you suffered from empty nest syndrome—from either side? Any coping strategies to share? I’d love to read your comments.

(My next book Second Chance with the Single Dadis out now in Australia and next month in the US and UK. Adorable baby girl Nina is an important character in the book and brought back many happy memories of my daughter as I was writing it.)

Remembering a great man & random skills

I've been in full marketing mode this month, with the release of Millionaire Under the Mistletoe happening last week. This story means a lot to me. To be fair, all my books mean a lot, but this one has a very personal element to it.

My grandfather was a huge influence on my life and he passed away while I was writing the original version of this book back in 2013.

Unfortunately he wasn't around to see me get published and live my dream of becoming an author. I try to remind myself that he had a very good eighty-something years, although that doesn't always ease the pain, does it?

My grand father was a very interesting guy. Originally born in Italy, he moved to Australia in the 1950's and made his home in Thornbury (or Torn-bury as he used to pronounce it since Italians are not so good with the 'th' sound). He worked as a draftsman. But his hobbies included watching hilarious Italian game shows and playing competitive table tennis, which he did well into his late 70's. He was also a national champion for downhill speed skating back in Italy. My dad now has a pair of his old skates sitting in his office.

One of the life lesson that he taught me was that no knowledge is ever wasted. He used to tell me to "Put it in your back pocket because you never know when you might need it."

I love this idea of a back pocket filled with a random collection of skills. So, in the spirit of honoring a great man, I present to you some random skills I have collected over the years:

• Despite not having done any tap dancing for well over a decade, I can still do a time step without even thinking
• I also still remember the five basic ballet positions and remember most of my barre exercises
• I can count to ten in German (I also know how to say 'white and fluffy' for some random reason)
• I can speak some very basic Italian, including counting and ordering food. I really wish I knew more, though. One day I'll go back to Italian class!
• I'm a pretty good cook and can pick up most recipes. This one I'm particularly proud of because when I moved out of home I didn't even know how to boil pasta.
• I'm self taught in graphic design and video editing. My sills are basic but I'm continuing to learn.

I'd love to know what some of your random skills are! Let me know in the comments.

Best Laid Plans...

I was going to blog about something different today but right now our household is crazy and chaotic as we deal with the aftermath of our oldest girls' wedding day.

(Photo credit: Sweet Events Photography - Wedding Dress by Tegan Joy NZ)

The day itself went swimmingly (despite the wind and rain that destroyed the girls' hair during photos after the ceremony!) And everyone there had a truly wonderful time--even the groomsman who had pneumonia and was only just released from hospital the day before the wedding and even one of the groom's other brothers who become violently ill on the Friday night with either food poisoning or a gastro bug and ended up in hospital on Saturday morning on a drip.

(Photo credit: Sweet Events Photography -Wedding and Bridesmaid's Dresses by Tegan Joy NZ)

What we didn't count on was the groom becoming even more ill the day after the wedding, necessitating yet another family member being taken to hospital and then the following day, his other brother and eventually the bride and the bride's Oma (my mum) all fell foul of the bug. Thankfully my mum hasn't had to be taken to hospital like the other four but, boy oh boy, this wasn't the post-wedding wind down we had counted on.

The honeymoon has had to be postponed (thank heavens for travel insurance!) and I'm almost beginning to wonder if we had a wedding. It seems so long ago already because we've been so busy racing to and from hospital and to the supermarket to stock up on gloves, disinfectant and hand sanitiser!

I'm looking forward to seeing more of the wedding photos because I think they will help take some of the tarnish off the past few days while the family recovers and sips ginger beer, electrolytes and has a very bland diet.

What are your tried and true remedies to recover from food poisoning or gastro bugs? I think I'm going to keep a file for future reference!

THERE'S ALWAYS ONE...

There's always one, isn't there? The one who comes late to the party? The one who, despite reminders, forgets important occasions? Well, that one is me today and I'm sorry for being late to the blog.

So, what shall we talk about?

Perhaps we could chat about my eldest daughter's upcoming engagement party (and one of the reasons I'm soooo darn forgetful lately, or maybe it's just that my head is so full of STUFF that bits keep leaking out.)

We're really excited about the celebration, and the upcoming wedding next year. Plus, it's a chance for our daughter's fiance's parents to visit with us for a few days and we can return some of the wonderful hospitality they showed us when we went to spend a few days with them at the beginning of the year.

Family get togethers can be such fun, aren't they? Our lives get so busy and so full of all the day to day things we deal with--some good, some not so much--that it's lovely to have an opportunity to relax, share some memories, have a few drinks and nibbles and generally have a very good time.

What's your favourite kind of family get together? Does it revolve around birthdays, special occasions like Christmas or Easter, or do you get the chance to hang out together just for the heck of it?

Destination: Wedding

Later this week I’m off to Bali and I could not be more excited. Not because I’m leaving behind the wet winter weather (although that doesn’t make me at all sad) and not because of the location because, to be honest, I’ve never wanted to visit Bali particularly (although the resort does look a bit of all right!) Nope, I’m excited because of the reason behind the trip. 

Destination: Florence

Three things I totally love:

1. Weddings
2. Travel
3. Spending time with family

What could be better than a destination wedding?

Have you noticed that they’ve become something of thing lately? Or perhaps I’ve only noticed this lately because I’m at an age where all my nieces and nephews are getting married. And instead of the traditional marriage in the bride’s hometown or even the town/city where the couple now live, more are choosing a location based on the style of wedding they want. Outdoors. Rustic. Beach. Vineyard. Resort. Whatever.

Destination: Rural Australia

In this case my nephew and his bride-to-be are marrying, not quite on the beach, but with an ocean backdrop. As far as weddings go, it’s a small, relaxed event with all the guests staying on site for three days/nights. I envisage much lounging by the pool, much eating of fine food, many conversations late into the night, much laughter.

Destination: Bali

Have I mentioned how much I love a destination wedding where you don’t need to designate a driver, where you stumble home to bed in bare feet (probably sore from dancing), where you stumble out of bed the next morning and get to hang out with the same awesome folk for another day or two?

We leave Thursday. I cannot wait.

What’s the most-fun wedding you’ve been to recently? Was it held locally or did you travel to a cool destination?

Celebrating Great Women

International Women's Day happened a week ago and it got me to thinking about the amazing women in my life. In particular, the women who's had an enormous impact on me: my grandmother.

Growing up, my Nan was this incredible force. She was the kind of grandmother who would always pack lollies in her bag for a day out, was always quick to offer to look after my little sister and I, and she always let us eat dinner in front of the TV. Yeah, we lived it up at Nan's place.

This picture of my Nan comes with me everywhere

She used to tell us stories of how she could add up sums faster than someone using a calculator  and when I didn't believe her she let me challenge her. Spoiler alert, I lost. She used to tell us how she was the only child in her family to get a proper education and her pride in this point always made me want to do well at school.

It occurred to me many years later that she wasn't just proud of being smart, but that she had been able to prove herself worthy in a time where women didn't get many opportunities.

She loved sport and played much of it in her heyday, including having a broken jaw one time form a a hockey ball to the face.

She lived through World Ward II and worked in the Navy. She outlived two husbands, two children and fought til the very end until we were forced to say goodbye seventeen years ago.

She was a survivor.

I wouldn't be who I am today without my Nan. At times she drove me crazy because she always stuck up for my sister when we argued, and she was bossy as all hell. But she taught me many lessons which make up who I am today:

• If you want something you have to work hard, don't expect anyone to just hand it over to you
• Don't abuse any positions of power that you may have
• Being a women does not mean you can't be smart and go after what you want, even if people say you can't do it

She also gave me endless reams of paper, full reign of her typewriter and never said no to a visit to the local library. 

I wouldn't be writing without her. 

Who are the great women who've influenced you? Shout out to your inspirations in the comments below.

The Things I've learned in 2014....

So, another year is drawing to a close and in less than a week it will be Christmas and then New Years will be upon us. Before the year is out I wanted to reflect on the things three I've learned or struggled with or become grateful for this year....

1/ Deadlines.....I've had three contracted books written and submitted this year, and it was a struggle because life inevitable threw stumbling blocks in the path. A sick parent, a new day job and some health issues seemed to come one after the other....you know that feeling you get when one thing ends and another seems to start...one hurdle jumped and then presto, there's a another directly in your path. Yeah, it's been one of those years. But the deadlines have to be met and contracts fulfilled. So, lots of late nights, missed social events and just plain old hard work. But the hard work and late nights always pays off when the lovely box of books arrive from Harlequin and I get to hold the book in my hands for the first time.

 

 

2/ Gratitude....I've learned to be grateful for what I have....which was no mean feat considering I'm something of a dreamer and have my head in the clouds most days. I live in an amazing part of the world, a tiny down which sits at the most southern point of the Great Barrier Reef. I'm grateful for mu husband and the life we have, where I can have my horses and dogs and cats. I'm grateful for the fabulous day job I have and my friends and family.

 

3/ Plans....I'm not much of a planner. In my writing I'm a pantser and loathe doing outlines. But I'm learning this one. I don't plan much in my daily life either...but with so much going on, plans are now a must.

 

So, this is what I've learnt this year - try to meet deadlines htrough adversity, because it feels like a wonderful achievement. Be grateful for the people and things that are important. And lastly, plan ahead (not too far) to make life a little easier.

 

Have you learned anything this year? Or have plans for 2015?

 

Have a wonderful and safe Christmas :)

 

 

 

 

 

A Day in the Glamorous Life of a Romance Writer....

When people ask about my writing day I know they picture me like this.

Actually, I think they probably add in a few long lunches, a crystal bowl of bon-bons and a pink feather boa....and oh how I wish that were true.

The truth is that my day doesn't pan out anything like that. More like this.

5.45am: Up and out the door with Cosmo the mini schnauzer. We walk along a beautiful stream track and watch the sun come up. Cosmo only has to hear my feet hitting the floor and she's in my room and ready to go. 

7am: We're back home and one of the best parts of the day. Coffee!! My partner-in-parenting-crime does the best flat white known to humanity and I couldn't do without one to start my day. This is the time I'm replying to emails from my editor, or agent, my critique partner Rachel Bailey, or making sure nothing important has slipped by me on Facebook.

8am: After a fight for a free bathroom, supervising four lunches being made, two loads of washing hung out and school shoes being found, I'm off to my day job.

8.45am: I'm the Assistant Head of the English department at an all girls high school with 1100 students and I love it. There's nothing nicer than sharing my love of books and films with amazing young women. At times it's stressful, occasionally manic, but always inspiring. This year I've taught films like "Doubt", books like "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "The Book Thief"and I've read some wonderful writing and had some thought-provoking discussions.

3.30pm: It's home to these crazy cats - the creators of all the washing and the participants in every sport and music lesson known to humanity. On any one day I can be driving between tennis, football, netball, violin, flute, guitar, piano or swimming. It also means I spend quite a bit of time waiting for activities to finish and it's a perfect time to take my trusty Macbook and read over a scene or do some planning or to plug my headphones in and have my latest chapter read back to me.

6.00pm: Back home and it's now that I'm so grateful that my kids and husband love to cook! While they're getting dinner ready and the kids are finishing off chores I'm starting into my writing for the day. It's about now that I'm also grateful that my husband's a winemaker and comes home with these little bottles of perfection.

8.30pm: After dinner I'm into writing completely. The little bits that I've done during the day mean I can now just add words - sometimes days more quickly than others. What I don't get done during the week I can finish on the weekend. I try to stick to a pretty strict daily word count so little-by-little my book takes shape.

10.30pm: Into bed with the chapters from my CP's latest manuscript. I'll read them through once and then make any suggestions. More often than not I get lost in the story and forget I'm supposed to be commenting. By ll.00pm the light's out and I'm dreaming about my latest characters, hoping plot problems will work out in my dreams, and looking forward to doing it all over again tomorrow.

How have your days been this week?

Back to The Bay

by Bronwyn Jameson

As kids our summer holiday “place” was Bateman’s Bay on the New South Wales south coast.  Mostly for expedience, since it was the closest piece of ocean to our inland home.  But this also meant it was the summer holiday place for many other country families and we’d see them on the beach, the fathers sporting the farmers' signature tan and towelling sun-hat.  Catching up with other regulars, most of whom we wouldn’t see between Januarys, was part of the summer holiday.  We loved that almost as much as we loved the beach and the easygoing caravan park lifestyle.

Then came the year of The Breakdown.  Heading home at the end of the holiday, along with every other end-of-school-holidays family, towing the caravan up Clyde Mountain, our car broke down.  It was stressful, harrowing – I imagine a thousand times more for the parents – stopped beside a long drop down the mountainside, in heavy traffic, waiting for roadside assistance.  Eventually we were towed to Braidwood where we waited days for the necessary parts to get us home.

The caravan was sold.  We spent the next six or seven summers at the local swimming pool, until eventually my parents built a holiday house.  By this time I was at university and The Bay lost its appeal for a decade, until I had a young family and we started the trek down the mountain each year along with my sisters and their kids.  Then that next generation grew up and found livelier places to spend their holidays and my parents sold the house and that was that.

Except we all still have such fond memories of the place, of the summers, of the family togetherness, and so earlier this month we – my three sisters, my mum and I – went back to The Bay.  We rented a house by the beach.  It was too cold to swim but we paddled and walked the sand, ate seafood by the truckload, talked and laughed and remembered.  And made new memories.

Bateman’s Bay will always be that special family place for us.  Do you have such a place, your special place packed to the gills with the best memories?

Happy New Year...?

It's 2014, apparently.  I should be happy -- nay, overjoyed -- to farewell the last year but I'm afraid I may be the New Year grinch.  This has only occurred to me during the past week, although it's been a lengthy apprenticeship.  Bear with me while I explain.

I love pretty much everything about Christmas.  The reason behind, the preparations, the giving, the decorations, the anticipation, but more than anything I love that it brings family together.  No, it's not the only reason for family gatherings but at Christmas everyone seems to make an extra effort and there's a pervading spirit of optimism and good will and everything else that makes me happy.  Including food and wine.  But mostly the people.

The most important of those people are my sons, two of whom are now settled in Sydney which is far enough away that visits are usually one or two rushed nights but at Christmas we get a week or so of their company.  They arrive bearing gifts:

and spend their downtime watching gross guy comedy (!) and sports but also on cooking and other projects that make me happy.  Such as my new herb garden:

Then, at some point in the days between Christmas and New Year, they return to their homes and jobs and lives leaving me with a fridge load of leftovers and lots of gloomily empty rooms.  Hence my current grinch-like feelings towards the end of year.  

Since this is a fact of life I think it's about time I revisit my attitude and look for the pluses. For example:

(1)  I am no longer subjected to Tosh.0 on a daily basis
(2)  Same with cricket
(3)  The laundry load has decreased by a factor of several hundred percent
(4)  So has my grocery bill
(5)  I now have the quiet space to think about 2014 and to get excited about my upcoming writing projects, my trip to Italy mid-year and #1 Son's wedding later this year.

I didn't see the New Year in with champagne and noisemakers -- can I admit that I didn't see it in at all, but went to bed early on NYE with my Nook and was asleep by 11? -- but I am determined to make 2014 a stellar year for my family.

What about you?  How did you see in the New Year and what are you looking forward to in 2014?

Life-long story telling

I've just spend a wonderful few days with family, celebrating my father's 72nd birthday. At the heart of the celebration were my two "nieces", five and eight years old. (They're not exactly blood relatives, but our families have been celebrating birthdays together since their Mum and I were younger than they are now, so they qualify. Also, I've changed nappies and given baths and supervised homework, so I figure I've earned the "Aunty" designation.)

I was conscious of the fact that the whole weekend was full of storytelling. Our family doesn't get together terribly often, as we're geographically spread around, so there's lots of the "what's been going on" kind of stories that needed to be told. Then, like many dads, there's nothing my father likes than a long, drawn-out joke with a terrible pun as the punchline. There were also bedtime stories to read (I'd forgotten how wonderful and twisty that Doctor Seuss prose is.) And there were plenty of kids' stories too, often starting with a breathless, "Guess what?"

One of the new artworks destined for my refrigerator...

I asked my eight-year-old niece to write me a story because I was interested to see what sort of thing she might come up with. (Okay, so it might also have also been motivated by the need to keep her occupied while we prepared a birthday dinner for 12...)

She wrote me the most wonderful adventure tale. It was about Emily, a (nice) monster who lived in a cave by a river and who was out one day playing with a ball with her brother, Jack. But then the ball accidentally fell in the river! Jack went in after it, even though Emily told him not to and then, oh no, he started to get swept away! But Emily thought quickly and found a rope and threw it to Jack so he was able to climb out. And everyone chorused, "Hooray!" (She didn't know how to spell "chorused" but she gave it a good try.)

I know everyone thinks their own child (or nephew/niece/cousin/etc) is the smartest, most brilliant child in the world. But seriously, my author's little writing heart glowed and thumped as we read her story aloud. A gusty female protagonist! A hero's journey! A satisfying, happy ending! Awesome word use and vocabulary!

I'm going to start training her now to see if I can turn her into an author.

Reading her story got my mother telling another story. About the time when I was a similar age and I wrote a story on the back of a cardboard box at my parents' shop. They were part of a franchise and I wrote a story about how it had been founded -- a fantastical tale about pirates and deserted islands, apparently. And the head of the franchise visited their store and he saw it, and he told them he was going to see how it could be used as part of their advertising campaign. Which never happened. But still -- perhaps it was a foreshadowing of my future double life in PR and romance writing??

My favourite bedtime story over the weekend was Dr Seuss's "Yurtle the Turtle" -- so much fun to read out loud. Do you have a favourite you like to read to the littlies in your life?

Those Precious Moments

Photo by Deborah Hillman Photography

Wow, my first official post as a Love Cat! I feel daunted and especially privileged all at the same time. Which is pretty much normal for me, I guess. Like many people, I'm often (okay, most of the time) guilty of not taking time to simply enjoy the moment I'm in, or the people around me, or the flavour of what I'm eating, or the aroma of my coffee, or, well, anything. I burrow down with my head filled with what I need to do, what comes after that and whatever else I need to chase my tail for. Sometimes I just live my life too busy.

This past weekend I have been hugely blessed to have had my kids (and their partners) around me for a great deal of the time. I finished a manuscript on Good Friday by four o'clock in the afternoon (my self-imposed deadline) and by five I was enjoying savouring a delicious bottle of champagne to celebrate the moment. For dinner we barbequed and had salad and tasty garlic bread and everything felt so right with my world.

It occurred to me, as it often does, that I don't stop to appreciate those moments often enough. I don't celebrate the individual achievements that add up to reach a goal. Saturday was another such day as the kids came with us to an extended family and friends function at a beautiful home in a stunning location south of Auckland and the kids all came back to our house to sleep over and we shared breakfast together on Sunday morning. Once everyone had gone, the house felt empty, but right, if you know what I mean. Having everyone staying with us was wonderful and we had a lot of laughs which left a lingering trace of happy in our home even after everyone had gone.

A year, or so, ago I decided on a theme for my year and that was to have no regrets. I didn't want to miss out on doing something and be annoyed with myself later for not having taken a hold of the opportunity with both hands. It led me to go parasailing while on holiday with my family and subsequently to go skydiving, again with my family. Both things I have fabulous memories of and no regrets at all. It also led me to go to Romance Writers of America's national conference in Anaheim, which was truly amazing, and to spend an extra day and a night in the States with writing friends so I could visit Santa Monica as well. I reached the end of my year with no regrets but still doing my usual hamster on a wheel thing, living life too busy.



Fragrant Cloud Rose

This year I'm late coming to my theme and it has occurred to me that I think it needs to be mindfulness. To take those moments, even only short ones, in each day to stop and bask in that point in time. To mark off milestones instead of letting them pass without realising it (I may need preset alarms for this one!) To relish every moment with my family when I'm lucky enough to have them around me and not to be double or triple tasking all the time when they're here. To stop and smell the roses, like this one that I rescued from our drought damaged garden just last week.

What about you? Do you take time out to be mindful of where you are in your moment, your day, your life? Or do you have a special word that you try to live by each year? I'd love to know.