Mar 30, 2011

Catwalk Wednesday

My name is Chicken and I am queen of the garden.

I have my own house outside with a pen, but the gate is always open. Personally, I think I should live in the house with my human slave, Cathleen Ross. Sometimes when she leaves the door open, I rush inside and sit on her desk, next to her computer.

I love food, any food. First, I go and sit outside the back door with Peasant-the-dog and Fatso-the-cat, then when I’ve eaten all of their food, I rush around to the front and eat with my friend, Poppy-the-rabbit. Other wild animals come and join us because the food is so good. Cathleen has finally worked it out that I like to have my food served properly so I have my own tray. Beautiful, isn’t it?

My favourite food is top quality mince. It’s quite pathetic because my slave expects me to take turns with Peasant and Fatso. I never take turns if I can help it and I have even been known to attack Peasant if Cathleen shows her favour over me. I love to crow in the morning right next to Cathleen’s bedroom so she gets up and feeds me. Cathleen tried to explain to me that she didn’t know that chickens crow. She even used a statue of a rooster to explain that a rooster looks different from me. Personally, when I heard that a rooster doesn’t lay eggs, I thought that’s the life for me. Cathleen said she’s very disappointed in me because I won’t lay anymore. Why should I? They hurt when they come out and if she thinks I’m contributing to that egg basket, she’s kidding herself!

My human slave has some strange ideas about chickens. She thinks when there’s a heat wave that it’s okay to dress in her swimmers, grab me and put me in the swimming pool. It is never okay to do this to me. I don’t like swimming. Now when I see her in a costume, I run and hide. Cathleen’s so embarrassing sometimes.

Don't forget about my slave's latest book release, LOVE, LUST AND LIES


  1. LOL - I had a great giggle with this, Chicken.

    Funny, but I think you also made a cameo appearance over at my blog this week - you do get around (I must speak to your publicist and get a few hints). :-)

  2. You know, Chicken, I think you're the first chicken we've had on the catwalk. And what a beautiful girl you are to bring in the new tradition!

    I think you're very right that laying eggs should be someone else's job, and that you should have access to your human's writing desk all the time. Perhaps we could start a petition for you?

    Though I was impressed that your human takes you swimming on hot days. My dogs won't come in with me - they think it's simply too bizarre to get into the giant drinking bowl.

    I must check out your human's latest book. I reckon that anyone who treats a chicken the way she deserves must write interesting stories!

  3. Oh Chicken you are so handsome, ah, beautiful?? And lucky you living some place with all those wonderful friends for company!

  4. Hello ladies
    I glad you like my blog. It's about time my human slave made me famous. I think I'm even more magnificent because I have discovered that 1 in 10,000 thousand chickens turn into roosters. I now have a pointy comb, I can crow and I don't lay eggs. Cathleen said that's not normal, but how can she talk? Her last book had an Italian grandmother with the evil eye who threw curses, a husband addicted to Viagra and a heroine who has an affair with a younger man and lies about her age. I think she should get her own nest right before she talks about me!

  5. Ooh, chicken, it sounds as if you rule the roost, and with those glossy black feathers I should imagine you are the Elizabeth Taylor of the poultry world -- both sophisticated and glamorous. Am keeping my fingers firmly crossed, though, that you never have to suffer the indignity of the swimming pool again!

  6. Chicken, you are one handsome chick! Laughed at your post - you're not only handsome, you're witty! I must introduce you to the famous Golden Rooster of the Romance Bandits one day. That sounds like a match made in heaven - or at least the chicken coop!

  7. Chicken, I am definitely not ;etting my hens read your post. They already have ideas abouthow things should done around here.

  8. What a hot-lookin' chick! (You too, Chicken!)

    It never occurred to me that chickens would eat mince. We kept chooks in our inner-city backyard for years and fed them grains and vegies, but the egg production was nothing like yours. Clearly, mince is the secret, no?

  9. Elizabeth Taylor is a mere pullet compared to me. Anna, I like the idea of that rooster. Sue - you let your hens read your posts? I'm talking to Cathleen about this. She won't let me sit on her desk.
    I expect to be served all food groups, Vanessa, especially dessert.

  10. Chicken, how lovely to have you visit us! What a handsome creature you are, with those black feathers and red comb. You clearly have the best slave on the planet -- I hope you tell her how much you appreciate her!

  11. Are you kidding Emily May? She'll get lazy on me. She lined a washing basket with newspaper and expected me to sit in it while it was raining. Why couldn't I sit on the lounge like Peasant-the-dog? At least you recognise that I'm a beauty.

  12. LOL Chicken, I never realised you were so witty! Smart, manipulative yes, so articulate, no.
    I have fond memories of your visit to my farm when you refused to have anything to do with my common brown hens, and turned up your beak at sharing their palatial henhouse with them. You kicked up such a fuss, flying up on the window sill and squawking, letting us know that you were an indoor hen, that you got your way. You spent the nights in a cosy box in my lounge room. You were a very good guest with impeccable manners. Please come again!

  13. Chicken, I think you should organise a coop - eh, I mean coup! More mince for the chicken masses. No segregation. Most importantly, no laying! I truly think you have the charisma (and looks!) to go all the way!

    Hoping to make your acquaintance soon.

  14. Chicken Ross! You are the bird! Today, Cathleen's garden and Kandy's lounge room - Tomorrow the world!

    I have to agree with Sue - I'm not letting our chickens read this blog least they get ideas above their chook shed! LOL

    Lovely to have you visit!

  15. Thanks Sharon, Robyn and Kandy for recognising my potential. If only my human slave would be more respectful. Today she wouldn't let me peck out Peasant's eyes. I flew at Peasant but Cathleen opened the door and Peasant was too fast for me. I can't understand why she takes that ridiculous animal for a walk when she could be taking me.