May 14, 2014

Bend and Stretch (or should that be I'm Still Standing?) -- Michelle Douglas

In the still late-afternoon light I arrive at the yoga school, and taking a deep breath push through the doors. I stow my shoes and handbag on a shelf. I glance around and an overwhelming sense of relief hits me—there’s not a perky blonde eighteen-year-old wearing lycra in sight. Thank you, God!

I’m told to take a mat, a blanket, a bolster, a block and a belt. What??? There’s equipment? I find a vacant spot by the wall and stare at my equipment. The lady next to me, seeing me scratch my head, sets up my equipment precisely. She tells me in an offhand way that, “Iyengar yoga is OCD.” I swallow and nod and glance at the door with longing.

What am I doing here?

I lie on my mat in what I guess is some kind of opening out relaxation pose. My neighbour tells me, “Nothing in yoga should hurt.” I decide against telling her that the stretch in my left thigh is already starting to hurt. Quiet descends. A surreptitious peek around the room tells me everyone is now in this pose. I throw myself back into position. But…am I supposed to be relaxing? Or maybe I’m supposed to be breathing in some kind of energy to ready me for the class? Also, exactly when is the class going to start? It’s kinda cold in here, but I guess I’m not supposed to wrap myself in the blanket.

I stare at the ceiling pondering these imponderables when the instructor suddenly looms over me. He asks if I have any injuries he should be aware of. This gives him a big tick in my mental notebook even if he is looming. He then asks if I’m menstruating. Okay, so now he has a big black mark against his name and I’m thinking he’s a pervert.

What am I doing here?


The class starts and I’m ready to drop by the end of the warm up. He shows us poses. Holy crap! He wants me to do what? Look, I understand that yoga is a non-competitive sport, but this is a BEGINNERS class, people, and a woman has her pride. So I grit my teeth and push on. The poses are alien. The instructor moves about the room correcting alignments and giving instructions. He’s methodical and calm and I start to think he might not be a pervert after all. Especially when he moves across to me with a, “Michelle, that’s an advanced pose” and takes the block from my right hand and puts it in my left hand. Oh, that’s better. Then we start on a series of planks and yoga immediately becomes a form of torture.

I discover that there are lots of poses where one balances on the knees and elbows. The hardness of the floor through the mat pinches mercilessly. This isn’t something I’d considered. I also don’t think yoga is such a good idea when one has a full bladder. And another thing—I totally appreciate the concept of pacing oneself, but other than lie there like a landed fish (can’t do that—pride remember?) how exactly does one go about adjusting a pose so it’s not quite so challenging? If I had any oxygen to spare I’d consider asking.


Ninety minutes is a LONG time. We do lots of poses. We finish with a meditation. I’m supposed to relax after that? Ha! I start composing this blog in my mind instead.

Finally I’m allowed to leave. My knees and elbows are bright red. I’ll have bruises tomorrow. When I pay my money (I paid for this?), I need to lock my knees to prevent my thighs from shaking. I totter out on my jelly legs. I buy fish and chips on the way home as there’s no way on God’s green I’m cooking dinner tonight. I doubt I could stand that long.

It’s Monday night. I stop hurting come Friday.

Have I been back? Of course I have. I love it. :)

20 comments:

  1. Well done, you! I hope you continue to enjoy it.

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    1. I've been to 3 classes so far, Claire, and each class has been different -- which means of course that I ache in a different muscles for the next couple of days. But so far it has been fun…even if challenging. :-)

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  2. Great blog, Michelle! Bet those fish and chips tasted even sweeter! :-)

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    1. Amy, those fish and chips were the BEST! I felt I'd earned every delicious mouthful. :-)

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  3. Michelle, I'm impressed! Yoga is obviously not for the faint-hearted. Hope you're feeling the benefits now.

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    1. Funnily enough I already feel stronger, Annie. And more aware of my posture etc. I'm figuring those are good things. ;-)

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  4. Hilarious! And very well done! Keep at it- I'm sure it'll get easier (that's what they all say, right?)

    At the yoga class I used to go to there were a couple of men: one had little control over his bowel noises - the other had little control over his shorts. It kept us entertained ;-)

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    1. I did think of you as I pushed through those doors the first time, Louisa. ;-)

      Nearly half of my class is male -- but so far no entertainment…but then I'm so focused on trying to get the postures right I'm paying very little attention to everyone else. Oh, except the man next to me usually starts to snore during the mediation at the end. ;-) That makes me grin.

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  5. Woohoo, Michelle, so glad you went along. Isn't it great? as for being flexible - what's that? I creak and groan all the way through the class and doubt I'll ever be able to do half the postures as well as the others I my group, but hey, who cares? I'm having fun and my back is straighter than it's been in years.

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    1. Weirdly, Sue, my flexibility is actually okay, but my strength is appalling! Talk about a wakeup call. ;-) So good to feel all the kinks being stretched out, though.

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  6. Michelle

    Good on you I have never tried yoga and I know there is no way I could ever try it but I have heard how good it is for people and it is supposed to help you releax as well doesn't it :)

    Have Fun
    Helen

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    1. Helen, people have told me I'll sleep better, but I haven't noticed any difference yet. One thing I have noticed, though, is that the day's worries are left behind when I'm at the class. I'm so focussed on getting the poses right there's no room in my head for anything else, which makes it seem oddly meditative. :-)

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  7. I love my yoga class - but yeah, it does get easier! 90 minutes is a pretty long class to start with too :)

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    1. Kez, am VERY glad it will get easier. Though it seems to me that you can take each pose to a higher level so I expect it will continue to be challenging. The 90 mins put me off at first, but I seem to have made peace with it now. ;-)

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  8. That post was total fun, and I was very happy to hear you stayed with it, though I have to admit, if that had been my yoga experience, I don't know that I would have, LOL. Good for you!

    Sam

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    1. Well, I was exaggerating a bit, Sam. ;-) But I was so appalled at my lack of strength and I could feel how good it was for me that I was determined to go back. Even if I have continued getting bruises on my knees.

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  9. LOL, Michelle! Great post! This style of yoga sounds quite demanding - I hope your legs get over the shakes soon! You'll have to keep us posted. I was intrigued by the equipment you needed so I went to find out more. Apparently it allows you to experience the full benefits more quickly even as a beginner because the aids help you get into the correct alignment. Fascinating - though the picture of the legs on Wikipaedia made it almost look like a torture! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iyengar_Yoga

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  10. Lord, I hope my legs get over the shakes soon too, Sharon! There's an emphasis on holding each pose for a significant amount of time, and that surely feels demanding (not to mention shake inducing). :-) Funny, but I didn't actually do any research on the various types of yoga until after my first class. My main priority had been finding a class at a time that best suited me -- making it more likely that I'd continue to go.

    The equipment intimidated me initially, but not anymore. I use the block for that first pose in the wikipedia article you linked to -- and interestingly it's not because I can't get my hand to the floor (I can!) but it constrains me too much through the trunk (who'd have thunk it!). I've used one belt just above my elbows like that weird torture leg thing…and it was odd yet made certain muscles come into play. Obviously I've yet to progress to that particular form of leg torture. Hmm…looking forward to it. ;-)

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  11. Yay! You tried yoga. As a recent convert myself, I am so impressed by how much better it's made me feel. You'll learn to become very bendy.

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    1. Oh, I hope you're right on the bendy front, Barb -- my body seriously needs that. :-) Some of the poses seem ludicrously difficult at times -- and my body literally groans -- but at the end of it I feel so good. Makes no sense, but there you have it. ;-)

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